I was ashamed. too old for this. I had the sensation of colliding with a limitation.
I at least wanted him to glance at me so that he could see my mad face &feel bad. (lol)
things seem to be one way but are another
were mild, but they were consistent
but I knew that one of her good moods was always followed by a very bad one. #moms
I didn't want to hear, I didn't want to understand.
everybody behaving as though nothing was shockingly wrong &'twas making me cray
she followed like a small child &sat obediently. ("I will choose to listen &believe).
he had a sweetness about him that made him an instant target.
he didn't have to admit this to me, I could see the truth in his eyes. (TELEPATHY).
fleeing had been an act of self preservation, not shyness in this case.
by speaking it like this, w that smile, he was distorting it, redefining it in a way that had nothing to do w love. was actively missing an essential human part; unknowable eyes..
their fighting; driving me deeper into my solitary world
always felt God was a watchful, interested presence: "ru sure you want to jump?" <333 the voice (of truth) warned through suggestion, asking me to ask myself; it never scolded. God never punished. I knew God existed as Correct Answer inside my chest.
it was amazing to me, what a person could get used to. (SURVIVAL)
comforting to be w bc never had to explain anything; extension of myself. able 2escape
I was kneeling (wanting &&showing) that night, bc I needed so much, so desperately .
sickness was how my body responded to anxiety.
threw me against ground /dented heart. truest expression of love I've ever been shown.
w father gone, might have a chance. when there's nothing, absolutely anything's possible.
just a massive puppy at heart
but @17, I was constantly hungry. seemed I hadn't felt full since 12, before rents split.
anger : powerful; not humanly possible to contain or manage this kind of hate
he understood that if he did take off his mask, he might never get it back on.
now, I knew y: bc all that time, he'd been thinking. his mind moving like a muscle (2flex).
divorced longer than married, some bond between them couldn't be broken (#GOD)
laugh w head back; kind that feels, always, overdue &like you will now live a yr longer. <3
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if you can , keep your head when all about you are losing theirs &blaming.. trust yourself when all men doubt, but make allowance for their doubting too; if you can wait ¬ be tired of waiting, or being lied about, don't deal in lies, or being hated, don't give way to hating, &yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise. if you can dream -¬ make dreams your master; think -¬ make thoughts your aim; if you can meet w Triumph &Diaster, &treat those 2 imposters just the same; if you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken twisted by knaves to make a trap fro fools, or watch the things you gave your life to, broken. &stoop &build em up w worn -out tools. if you can make 1 heap of all your winnings &risk it on 1 turn of pitch &toss, &lose, &start again at your beginnings, &never breathe a word about your loss.. if you can talk w crowds &keep your virtue, or walk w Kings -nor lose the common touch, if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you. if all men count w you, but none too much.. Yours is the Earth &everything that's in it, &-which is more -you'll be a Man, my son!
-father's advice to son; Kipling
"in order2be able2think you have2risk being offensive."JBP
i am no bird; &no net ensnares me. -charlotte bronte
"never give in, never give in, never, never, never, never -in nothing, great or small, large or petty -never give in except to convictions of honor &good sense." -w. churchill. 10/28/41
i am not afraid of storms, for i am learning how to sail my ship. -louisa may alcott
nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. talent will not: nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. education will not: the world is full of educated derelicts. persistence &determination alone are omnipotent.
i am not an extraordinary man, &i am quite ordinary. but God chose me for something quite extraordinary. -a. valladares receives '16 canterbury medal.
not failure, but low aim, is crime -james russell lowell
a genuine leader is not a searcher for consensus but a molder of consensus -mlk jr. (you are all leaders .#experts)
it is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. the credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust &sweat &blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again &again because there is no effort without error &shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worth cause; who at the best knows in the end the trump of high achievement, &who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold &timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat. -theodore roosevelt
we are what we repeatedly do. excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit. -aristotle
no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. -eleanor roosevelt
a dead thing can go with the stream, but only a living thing can go against it.-gk c.