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industry based on giving ppl false expectations. few know how 2do that well :advertising
the undertaker feels superior 2me (LOL WRONG). smtg frightening, that I can't name. (ya) to oblige her, I order a double martini this makes me hate her, &I can't live with that. (ANGER IS NOT OK). reason I know what we are to each other is bc we fight freely. (daw) she looks like somebody who might understand but when u look at his eyes, all see =destruction &emptiness. smtg so sad it scares me. Marion briefly departs her world of low self esteem long enough to smile at me. I'm afraid what I see in my head might be close to the truth there's something in her voice that makes me think I won't get away with anything thing is I feel so inhuman, like I'm just a shell, a husk. but when she cuts me, I bleed. that I'm realizing I don't like to feel things, don't want to feel pain or fear. 5'2", max. but he doesn't seem to know this. in fact, he seems to be under impression 6'2" I feel gypped that I didn't meet him earlier in life. (<3) if lamp broke, I know it would be ok w him bc I broke it. any1 else, shit fit. lucky this way work it, you're worth it how we want glass of water 2magically rise up off table. how we overlook miracle of h2o instead of feeling cramped, I feel secure it was a feeling I never wanted to lose. (...) ever since I stopped drinking, my brain hands me these memories to deal w. it's like my my fucked up inner child wants attention, wants me to know he's still in there. I exist for you &only oyu. I hate you for abusing your power. think of your head as an unsafe neighborhood, don't go there alone. you absolutely terrify me, the depth of your shallowness is staggering. (!!!) it's a sweet gesture because he does it without thinking my mother.. she gave me away when I was twelve, &she does not get to have me back. nothing is enough, nothing is ever enough. pit inside me that can't be filled; I'm defective I hate having feelings. (SO DON'T). stars should not be seen alone.. 2 ppl should stand together.. 1 would surely miss ones why talk about not drinking all the time? why not just not drink? (EGOOOOO). I needed somebody to be w me, somebody to stop the spinning. I need him to yell at me for smtg. need him to absolve me of every bad thing I have ever done to him or anyone else. (lol CONSCIOUS).2k I won't run away or be shallow anymore. does the want ever go away? no. (so, give it up !)
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blessed beyond all measure
if you can keep your head , when all about you are losing theirs &blaming.. trust yourself when all men doubt, but make allowance for their doubting too; if you can wait ¬ be tired of waiting, or being lied about, don't deal in lies, or being hated, don't give way to hating, &yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise. if you can dream -¬ make dreams your master; think -¬ make thoughts your aim; if you can meet w Triumph &Diaster, &treat those 2 imposters just the same; if you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken twisted by knaves to make a trap fro fools, or watch the things you gave your life to, broken. &stoop &build em up w worn -out tools. if you can make 1 heap of all your winnings &risk it on 1 turn of pitch &toss, &lose, &start again at your beginnings, &never breathe a word about your loss.. if you can talk w crowds &keep your virtue, or walk w Kings -nor lose the common touch, if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you. if all men count w you, but none too much.. Yours is the Earth &everything that's in it, &-which is more -you'll be a Man, my son!
-father's advice to son; Kipling 
"don't look at ME"
"in order2be able2think you have2risk being offensive."JBP
i am no bird; &no net ensnares me. -charlotte bronte
D.E.A.R. "never give in, never give in, never, never, never, never -in nothing, great or small, large or petty -never give in except to convictions of honor &good sense." -w. churchill. 10/28/41
2013
i am not afraid of storms, for i am learning how to sail my ship. -louisa may alcott
nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. talent will not: nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. education will not: the world is full of educated derelicts. persistence &determination alone are omnipotent. -calvin coolidge i am not an extraordinary man, &i am quite ordinary. but God chose me for something quite extraordinary. -a. valladares receives '16 canterbury medal.
not failure, but low aim, is crime -james russell lowell
a genuine leader is not a searcher for consensus but a molder of consensus -mlk jr. (you are all leaders .#experts) it is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. the credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust &sweat &blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again &again because there is no effort without error &shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worth cause; who at the best knows in the end the trump of high achievement, &who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold &timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat. -theodore roosevelt 
loving comes natural to me /
fave animal?
2009
we are what we repeatedly do. excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit. -aristotle
no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. -eleanor roosevelt 
89-johnstown-flood / fragile world
a dead thing can go with the stream, but only a living thing can go against it.-gk c.
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