Sometimes emails from head honchos at work contain something interesting, like this PDF by Chris Voss, an adjunct (part-time) prof at Georgetown/USC's Business School, who is also a retired FBI agent. He spent 24 years getting the bad guys to reveal the truth; with no threats or bribes; simply skilled in emotional intelligence. What a joke the FBI has become under the Fuhrer's rule (Holder, Emanuel, Clinton), but I digress.. Life is negotiation, indeed.
A saleswoman is not good at her job if she does not think about the client. She is a product pusher, not an advisor. She seeks transactional business where she adds to the sales report sure, but never does she ever establish rapports with "repeat shoppers."
All the client is really thinking about is, "What's in it for me?" Start here. What triggers her? What does she need? How is her day going? "Don't treat someone the way you want to be treated - treat them the way they need to be treated based on what is driving them" (Voss 3). "While the Ivy League taught math &economics, we became experts in empathy" (2).
Manipulative, you ask? Quite the contrary. Ethical behavior is a given. "Come to embrace the reality that you are not rational" (2). Work smart, not hard.
Besides the free education in finance I receive at my job, I learn so much more about PEOPLE &how to work well with them. Take my operations micro-manager. They don't call her "Sergeant" for nothing. Albeit hard to work with, no one can deny what she brings to a table. But, this free bird just couldn't get along &it was wrecking my work week. L.B kept reminding me, "You're not gonna change the stripes on that cat, Bam Bam." I had to change my approach.
It took a "coinciding" (God-timing) accounting course for me to understand just how particular her role requires her to remain. But, I was empathizing. &don't you know it, she comes to me with questions now! Just the other day I heard her say, "I'm trying to chill." (Whoa). This is how you work with people. They are not a means to your success, but, success itself. When my close competitor asked me what the "secret to my success" was, I didn't flinch: "my team." With 1 goal in mind (the team), there's no stopping us.
When L.B tells me I'm doing a good job, I tell him straight up, "Thanks for the positive reinforcement. That motivates me." (1st dysfunction of a team is lack of trust. If you can't be vulnerable with your teammates, you won't argue well or commit, or be willing to be accountable to each other, etc).
"the best negotiator simply recognizes the human psyche as it is. we are emotional, irrational beasts who are emotional &irrational in predictable, pattern-filled ways. using that knowledge is only, well... rational" (11).
(when you feel someone tugging on your heart strings, be easy. negotiation gone awry.. Obama knows these "field-tested empathy tactics" well. It's why he politicizes every tragedy; cries &blinks &pauses until he evokes emotion from audience. It's why he says things like, "If I had a son, he'd look like Trayvon." He wants to get his way, Alinsky style).
"who has control in a conversation, the guy listening or the guy talking? the listener, of course. that's because the talker is revealing information while the listener, if trained well, is directing the conversation toward his own goals" (12).
(who doesn't like to talk about themselves? hence, social media. get them to talk, see how else you can help; in what future financial endeavors).
"when the pressure is on, you don't rise to the occasion, you fall to your highest level of preparation"
(lessons in getting someone to talk.. why my boss encourages "cold calling".. how can i "lose" a warm phone call if i'm used to cold ones?)
"you don't need to like it; you just need to understand that's how the world works" (16).
from my archives..some negotiation principles..
don't ask them, tell them.
tough is not nasty; firm is not rude.
they only listen to use it against you.
there is no room for ego in negotiation.
the higher you start, the higher you finish.
generosity in negotiation is not contagious.
a confident statement sounds as good as a fact.
if you don't ask, you don't get. if you don't ask, you don't want.
perception is all there is. it's not what you say; it's what they hear.
when anxiety goes up, brain switches off. negotiation is 90% preparation.
negotiation is all about emotion. there is no place for emotion in negotiation.
"to be useful, be wise" (quote from sis's edu).. go out there &negotiate some deals!
if you can , keep your head when all about you are losing theirs &blaming.. trust yourself when all men doubt, but make allowance for their doubting too; if you can wait ¬ be tired of waiting, or being lied about, don't deal in lies, or being hated, don't give way to hating, &yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise. if you can dream -¬ make dreams your master; think -¬ make thoughts your aim; if you can meet w Triumph &Diaster, &treat those 2 imposters just the same; if you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken twisted by knaves to make a trap fro fools, or watch the things you gave your life to, broken. &stoop &build em up w worn -out tools. if you can make 1 heap of all your winnings &risk it on 1 turn of pitch &toss, &lose, &start again at your beginnings, &never breathe a word about your loss.. if you can talk w crowds &keep your virtue, or walk w Kings -nor lose the common touch, if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you. if all men count w you, but none too much.. Yours is the Earth &everything that's in it, &-which is more -you'll be a Man, my son!
-father's advice to son; Kipling
"in order2be able2think you have2risk being offensive."JBP
i am no bird; &no net ensnares me. -charlotte bronte
"never give in, never give in, never, never, never, never -in nothing, great or small, large or petty -never give in except to convictions of honor &good sense." -w. churchill. 10/28/41
i am not afraid of storms, for i am learning how to sail my ship. -louisa may alcott
nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. talent will not: nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. education will not: the world is full of educated derelicts. persistence &determination alone are omnipotent.
i am not an extraordinary man, &i am quite ordinary. but God chose me for something quite extraordinary. -a. valladares receives '16 canterbury medal.
not failure, but low aim, is crime -james russell lowell
a genuine leader is not a searcher for consensus but a molder of consensus -mlk jr. (you are all leaders .#experts)
it is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. the credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust &sweat &blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again &again because there is no effort without error &shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worth cause; who at the best knows in the end the trump of high achievement, &who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold &timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat. -theodore roosevelt
we are what we repeatedly do. excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit. -aristotle
no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. -eleanor roosevelt
a dead thing can go with the stream, but only a living thing can go against it.-gk c.