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he was raised without a proper diagnosis. #life
show, don't tell. growing up can be rough sometimes my mother would save me, sometimes not I came to believe what people said about me wonder if I would one day "go bad." (know we are capable of it /influenced by spirits) when younger, if I saw smtg interesting, I might begin to watch &stop speaking entirely in my own little world I still like the feeling of lying under thins &having them press on me humiliated. I would never fit in. why was I alive? (LOL HAHAHAHAH dead so dramatic ). chippy was the 1st valuable thing I owned, &the first thing I gave away. I was v excited, but I was careful not to show it, so they wouldn't take it away from me I had learned not 2reveal anything that might subject me 2more ridicule than I already got only difference now is I have better control of my facial expressions got older, found myself in trouble more &more for sayin true things. developed ability 2lie I became a trickster.. but I was worth it never did it, but thought of it, many times. some things said so disturbing. I blocked them from my mind &can't repeat, hurt. (YES). refer to my tendency to move in some kind of regular pattern without knowing it. (#ALL) no grown up tried 2figure out y I was staring.might have been able2 tell them if they'd ask somehow, was in improbable position of scoring in 99% on IQ tests &flunking out HS. hard to maintain confidence in face of remarks esp when I began hearing them. (labels) machines don't talk back, they are predictable, they don't trick me &are never mean. it must be social conditioning, something I am completely lacking. watch it all detached damage is not always permanent. (kids are resilient).
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blessed beyond all measure
if you can keep your head , when all about you are losing theirs &blaming.. trust yourself when all men doubt, but make allowance for their doubting too; if you can wait ¬ be tired of waiting, or being lied about, don't deal in lies, or being hated, don't give way to hating, &yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise. if you can dream -¬ make dreams your master; think -¬ make thoughts your aim; if you can meet w Triumph &Diaster, &treat those 2 imposters just the same; if you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken twisted by knaves to make a trap fro fools, or watch the things you gave your life to, broken. &stoop &build em up w worn -out tools. if you can make 1 heap of all your winnings &risk it on 1 turn of pitch &toss, &lose, &start again at your beginnings, &never breathe a word about your loss.. if you can talk w crowds &keep your virtue, or walk w Kings -nor lose the common touch, if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you. if all men count w you, but none too much.. Yours is the Earth &everything that's in it, &-which is more -you'll be a Man, my son!
-father's advice to son; Kipling 
"don't look at ME"
"in order2be able2think you have2risk being offensive."JBP
i am no bird; &no net ensnares me. -charlotte bronte
D.E.A.R. "never give in, never give in, never, never, never, never -in nothing, great or small, large or petty -never give in except to convictions of honor &good sense." -w. churchill. 10/28/41
2013
i am not afraid of storms, for i am learning how to sail my ship. -louisa may alcott
nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. talent will not: nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. education will not: the world is full of educated derelicts. persistence &determination alone are omnipotent. -calvin coolidge i am not an extraordinary man, &i am quite ordinary. but God chose me for something quite extraordinary. -a. valladares receives '16 canterbury medal.
not failure, but low aim, is crime -james russell lowell
a genuine leader is not a searcher for consensus but a molder of consensus -mlk jr. (you are all leaders .#experts) it is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. the credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust &sweat &blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again &again because there is no effort without error &shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worth cause; who at the best knows in the end the trump of high achievement, &who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold &timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat. -theodore roosevelt 
loving comes natural to me /
fave animal?
2009
we are what we repeatedly do. excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit. -aristotle
no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. -eleanor roosevelt 
89-johnstown-flood / fragile world
a dead thing can go with the stream, but only a living thing can go against it.-gk c.
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