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look 4 the ridiculous in everything &you will find it . -jules renard, 1890. (everything =fake).
only wears fancy shoes when going out, so come 2associate them w feeling abandonment &dread.feel panicky.(crazies ruined by mom.who does world adore? mom). my rents loathed each other &life they built together. bc I was product of genetic fusion.. you're a teenager. you're supposed to feel your life is stupid &pathetic. I like to thank God when he does something nice to me. (baha, like, LET YOU LIVE !?!?) I envied his lack of emotional ties. I felt pulled by everyone. my brother seemed free. my brother wasn't so much overlooked as he was inadvertently protected. but I feel like a guest, trapped in my own somehow my mom managed to turn this all around to her. she had a knack for this. bookman was the only person who gave me attention. (these man /boy gay =common). way you treat ppl is so sick I can't even believe you're allowed 2live. (lol #Judge.. soon !). only he turned out to not be worth loving. now I'm worried that my anger will kill me. (FAX). "if you don't look good, we don't look good." my refined ability to put others first. I would dye for you. (hahah no typo !) a woman who writes feels too much -anne sexton I wanted to kill my mother. her eyes, were trained on me. loved this side of Hope; side that could, if nes, give you intramuscular injection /restart <3 made me sad to visit her in the hospital. not bc she didn't fit w crazy, because she did. if there was one thing I could count on from Hope it was that she never minimized. freedom was what we had. no1 told us when 2go 2bed. so, y did we feel trapped ? y did I feel like I had no options, when that's all I had ? prob w not having anybody 2tell you what 2do, was there was nobody 2tell u what not 2do . (rents want 2b pals w kids, no !) try, but all she'll do is get hysterical about my father not giving her child support. (evil !) our lives are one endless stretch of misery (when you've never learned boundaries, yes). you underestimate yourself, you know ? my childhood was more screwed up than yours. I was 17, no formal edu, no job training, no $, etc. could be worse: could be going 2prom.
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blessed beyond all measure
if you can keep your head , when all about you are losing theirs &blaming.. trust yourself when all men doubt, but make allowance for their doubting too; if you can wait ¬ be tired of waiting, or being lied about, don't deal in lies, or being hated, don't give way to hating, &yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise. if you can dream -¬ make dreams your master; think -¬ make thoughts your aim; if you can meet w Triumph &Diaster, &treat those 2 imposters just the same; if you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken twisted by knaves to make a trap fro fools, or watch the things you gave your life to, broken. &stoop &build em up w worn -out tools. if you can make 1 heap of all your winnings &risk it on 1 turn of pitch &toss, &lose, &start again at your beginnings, &never breathe a word about your loss.. if you can talk w crowds &keep your virtue, or walk w Kings -nor lose the common touch, if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you. if all men count w you, but none too much.. Yours is the Earth &everything that's in it, &-which is more -you'll be a Man, my son!
-father's advice to son; Kipling 
"don't look at ME"
"in order2be able2think you have2risk being offensive."JBP
i am no bird; &no net ensnares me. -charlotte bronte
D.E.A.R. "never give in, never give in, never, never, never, never -in nothing, great or small, large or petty -never give in except to convictions of honor &good sense." -w. churchill. 10/28/41
2013
i am not afraid of storms, for i am learning how to sail my ship. -louisa may alcott
nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. talent will not: nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. education will not: the world is full of educated derelicts. persistence &determination alone are omnipotent. -calvin coolidge i am not an extraordinary man, &i am quite ordinary. but God chose me for something quite extraordinary. -a. valladares receives '16 canterbury medal.
not failure, but low aim, is crime -james russell lowell
a genuine leader is not a searcher for consensus but a molder of consensus -mlk jr. (you are all leaders .#experts) it is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. the credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust &sweat &blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again &again because there is no effort without error &shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worth cause; who at the best knows in the end the trump of high achievement, &who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold &timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat. -theodore roosevelt 
loving comes natural to me /
fave animal?
2009
we are what we repeatedly do. excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit. -aristotle
no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. -eleanor roosevelt 
89-johnstown-flood / fragile world
a dead thing can go with the stream, but only a living thing can go against it.-gk c.
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