"sex, drugs &cocoa puffs." d think u lost? sux (2003..)

everything I understood even 7h ago's changed, &that I have to learn everything again. lol
&everybody in the bar suddenly seems to be having the same conversation
should I be writing such thoughts? perhaps not. (you're just solidifying bad thoughts !)
those were the words of an entirely diff person - whom I can't even relate to anymore
it's no 1's fault, rly. or mayb it's every1's fault. should be, bc it's every1's problem. !
real ppl r actively trying 2live like fake ppl, so real ppl are no less fake. (compromising..)
mass media causes sexual misdirection: it prompts us to assume there is something profound about having relationships based on witty conversation &intellectual discourse. it's just another gimmick.. actually might be worse, bc.. my witty banter &cerebral discourse is always completely contrived.. at least she thinks she digs me. v soon, I will have nothing more to say, she will feel foolish. perhaps this sounds depressing. that is not my intention, this is all normal. told silence is proof that magic is gone &rela over.
in art not talking never extension of having nothing 2say; not talking always means smtg
pseudo savvy lectures:what I loved about uni. but I still think they were probably wasteful
we need 2worry bout all the entertaining messages ppl consciously accept when 26
wish I could believe that bozo in Coldplay when he tells me stars r yellow. I want fake love. but that's all I want, &that's why I can't have it. (don't love anything more than God !)
who am I ? (or perhaps more accurately) , who else could be me?
ppl have no clue about their genuine nature.everybody wrong bout everything, all the time
my life as a sim. or (perhaps more accurately) my life as my life. (#robots #slaves)
computers make children advance faster, but they also make them think like computers
realism from Sims was worst: hopeless realization I was doomed to live in my own prison
even free people are eternally enslaved by the process of living, (BODY VERSUS GOD)
turns out that computers are the most gutless gosh darn cowards you'll ever meet. ha
why isn't my SimChuck happy? because he's a self absorbed, materialistic prick
Sims suggests buying things makes ppl happy bc it takes their mind off being alive
greatest chasm tween chuck &simchuck is that I don't own a bed &he can't live without
I don't need that kind of luxury in my life. I need love
all the stuff you buy eventually breaks down &creates all these little explosions in your life
lil person on comp /in own mind: both seemed to be doing same shit &neither knew y
NY: they all seemed to take everything much too personally. (ego /"center of world")
producers of Real World weren't sampling youth of USA -were unintentionally creating it. 1 of 7 defined strangers, hoping to rep predefining demographic. at this point, only watch it in hopes of unlocking questions that have haunted man since dawn of civilization. hehe
problem is that hard reality tends to be static. (God never gets tired of making flowers..)
being gay was pretty much their only personality trait. RW validated merits of 1dimension
insist they cast 4 "diversity." but only macro tru. want obvi diversity: physical, sex, econ. what they have no use 4=intellectual D. renaissance woman need not apply. these r ppl that look in mirror &think "I could be ____ guy on show." (reduce self 2label)
they're part of cultural phenom; they never mention how weird 'tis ppl watch them exist
as long as unspoken agreement remains between show &audience: they pretend to be normal, we pretend to believe them; works as both bubblegum sociology &sculptor of human behavior. aesthetic: what we saw was mostly fake, but we agree 2watch as if real
college: 1of things I loved was discovery of ppl who seemed impossible to categorize. <3
I distinctly recall drinking w 2 girls, who discussed their plan to "confront" 3rd roommate about "abrasive" behavior. how did that become norm way to talk? who makes a plan to "confront" pal? RW culture. microcosm/trying 2force others 2recognize their right 2exist. 
"you should be on RW." they're basically saying you're crazy enough to amuse strangers.
all these ppl forever doomed to 1dimensional qualities that made them famous nobodies. idea they could do anything else seems impossible. I could never filter every experience through singular, self conscious indie. yet part of me fears RW's unipersonal approach'll become so central to life that I'll need singular persona just to make convo w w/e media saturated robot I end up marrying. being interesting been replaced by being identifiable. 
yk how historians call ppl who came of age during ww2, "greatest gen;" we'll be the "cool generation." that's all we're good at, &that's all you &your friends seem to aspire to. 
it's almost like desiring Pam A is like admitting that -sexually -you have no creativity.
I am certain that having sex w Marilyn M was 4m of estasy followed by 5h of frustration.
it's even PG 13 in my brain
most I know would rather have sex w 3 of world's most beautiful women than hit .325 career.. diff is admitting that in 1950s meant you were profoundly honest &lil pathetic. in 21st century, still means you're pathetic, but that's considered normal. (sex =god).
interesting in Pam n Tommy.. 1 phrase appears more often than others: "where are we?" question asked over 20x. use this as metaphor for decline of American morality &vapiditiy of modern relationships, they could point out that phrase as illuminating ex of a lost gen. we don't need Pam to know where she is; helps us understand where we are.
I am not father material (or human material). (LOL <3 </3 WRONG)
outcasts may grow up to be novelists
life is rarely about what happened to them; it's mostly about what they think happened.. (lying) dumb bunnies like Clint Mathis will be wrong forever.
perhaps I worshiped Larry bird bc he was a god I could create in my own image. #control
either you're w us or against us, &both of those is better than living w/o a soul (decide !)
Fonzie: unlikely he ever experienced a loving, mutually satisfying, logically advancing relationship. that being case, only 1conclusion to draw: 255 episodes Fonzie was a V. hah
calculated adult coolness; impact of understanding comes later in life, usu at college, &when being "weird" starts 2b interpreted:"charming" & "sexually intriguing." lols so dumb
the desire to be cool is -ultimately -the desire to be rescued. desire to be pulled up by ppl
23 ques I ask every1 I meet in order 2decide if I can rly love them.. (do u swallow pill lol) 
I end up making 2 copies of this album, sending 1 to each woman, all same cover art (comps make this entirely too easy). part of me knows this was diabolical, but I'm mostly struck by fact that all my deepest, most sincere feelings are so totally stereotypical that they pretty much apply to every girl I find even vaguely attractive. (maybe it's more !?)
morn TV: stared at it w the same thoughtless intensity displayed when washing the dryer. I watched it bc it was on TV, which is generally driving force why most watch any. (kill tv).
consumers don't demand it to be good, it just needs to be watchable. (we are boring).
suggests most adolescents r same &exist solely as props 4pop kids. (spot CNN zombies)
never single moment in Saved by the Bell that reflects any kind of concrete authenticity
television is supposed to be reassuring. (make them feeeeeeeeel good. serve meeeee).
but what it did was reestablish everyone's moral reality. (tv raising people).
nothing more true than a cliche
my memory creates illus we were together 24/7. coming/going more norm than should b
but Angela was so much an individual that she wasn't like anyone but herself; she didn't reflect any archetypes. real enough to be interesting, but 2real to be important. <3
it's become cool 2like Star Wars, which actually means it's totally uncool 2like SW. (yup).
must you treat me like a complete stranger, as members of the same civilization ? can I not expect the courtesy of a knowing glance? to them, we're all just a number. they r reminders of how life's wicked, &we are profiles in courage that out them. (see: no eyes).
forced 2read issues Eweekly, which inadvertently recalibrated my perception of existence
they exist in a culture of certainty. they want to believe what they are saying, so much. 
most wretched people in world are those who tell you they like every kind of music "except country." ppl who say that r boorish &pretentious at same time. all it means is they've managed 2figure out most rudimentary rule of pop sociology. (tx bot). they know what makes them "cool," &they hate it bc it speaks 2normies &they hate normies /self.
jus they're not in power. if authenticity is issue, more in twang than talking about theories
for past 25y, culture been obsessed w making males &females more alike. but, what Ive noticed is this convergence has mostly jus prompted female 2adopt worst quality of men. the slut concept, absorbed into gen as double standard wrong, so let's all be sluts.
that v disconnection makes em seem autonomous. not his simplicity that makes him vital. clarity. good@ expressing human condition bc he knows /understands more ppl. 
​distrust the proper people. uber idiotic ppl who believe in front page /all exactly the same.
celeb journalism: new kind of meaningless: either subject's lying, or writer's guessing.
Left Behind: ppl who say goodness isn't even that much of an accomplishment. epitome of cautionary tale; every twist screams @reader 2realize clock's ticking /not 2late. only ppl accepted by God r those classified no intellectual credibility in modern society.
post Rapture: everybody boring would be gone. (HAHA, bots be gone).
there are some things that we're just going to have to wait &see how it happens. <333
K Cameron: former actor who consciously pursued amateurish w hope of saving souls.
there is something undeniably attractive about becoming a born again Christian. I hear atheists say that all the time, although they inevitably make that suggestion in the most insulting way possible: nothing offends me more than those who claim they wish they could become blindly religious bc it would "make everything so simple." ppl who make that argument are trying to convince world they're somehow doomed by own intelligence, &they'd love 2be as stupid as the thoughtless automatons they condescendingly despise.
pretty soon you find yourself in circumstance where someone asks you if you believe life begins at conception &you find yourself changing the subject. situational ethics.. </3
meaningless is not prob 4 reborn. every moment of life matters,that's pretty glamorous.
I respect their verve. they are probably the only people openly fighting against America's insipid Oprah Culture -the pervasive belief system that insists everyone's perspective is valid &that no one can be judged. most ppl I know consciously choose to do bad things. we deserve to be judged. born again can't wait 2be judged. that's why they're cool.
theme is : you're not good enough. another ex of how they're cool: amazingly cocksure.
I have looked directly into eyes of a woman I loved &told her lies 4 no reason, except that those lies would allow me to continue having sex w another woman I cared about less. if I died &found out I was going 2hell, I really couldn't complain. I don't make the rules.